Not to mention, the products on the shelves are improving, albeit slowly. Sleeves can be used alone or with a partner.
In the end, unlearning the notion that toys are only for “solo sex” is the first step towards blasting away the stigma around toys for all types of bodies. He said it feels like an alien pussy, and that put my anxiety to rest. “It was so wonderfully erotic and intimate watching him come that hard, like I was the one that controlled it.” Black had a moment of discomfort and intimidation, however, even as a sex educator: “The irony of this was hilarious, because it's the same I got from other people when I showed them my toy collection. Lenore Black, a kink and sexuality coach, gave her partner a Tenga egg and loved witnessing the way it made his eyes roll back. Instead of the common stereotype about sleeves being for lonely people, I found that partners felt highly involved-even when they weren’t the ones using sleeves on their partners. I also spoke to a few partners of sleeve enthusiasts. While I never asked for detailed feedback, a few months after I gave him the product, he came into my shop to purchase a six-pack of Tenga Eggs for himself, which are sleeve-style grab-and-go masturbators designed for one-time use. He’d never used a toy like it before, but was open-minded. It shows-"As of June 2017, over 55 million units have been shipped worldwide," Tenga announced last year.Īfter I had been selling their toys for a few months, I decided to bring home an inexpensive Tenga sleeve for my penis-equipped roommate. In fact, many of the folks who responded to my interview request made a point of sharing the fact that they only buy from Japanese brands because of the superior quality. None of their sleeves attempt to look human and they steer clear of chemical additives. Tenga is a Japanese company that wants to create a brighter future for penises. One sleeve user I interviewed, Jack Lukac, a bisexual male in a monogamous relationship with a gay male, said he prefers to shop at gay toy stores simply because they have a completely different (and more forward-thinking) toy selection. While there is a large section of the industry marketed towards men who have sex with men, the bulk of mainstream toy shops and brands use blatantly hetero verbiage.
Gay men jacking off with toy full#
The market for sleeves is full of racism and a general lack of inclusive language, too. The Fleshlight-basically the “Kleenex”-like catchall term for masturbation sleeves-deserves better. Because of this, I have heaps of empathy for those who feel the need to hide their use of sleeves. None of my customers were the creepy loners people imagine when they think of people using sex toys by themselves. In reality, I’ve sold sleeves to a diverse array of people: super machismo weightlifter bros, genderqueer folks, people with clits, Wall Street bankers, trans men, and lots and lots of hotties. Perhaps that's why so many people who responded to my personal survey said things like “sleeves are yucky” and “real men fuck real pussies." I mean, even Austin Powers wouldn't admit to it!" But we don't see this same dialogue in publications such as Esquire. These days, erotic devices are tastefully marketed to suburban moms on vanilla lifestyle websites like the Goop and Revolve and women can see toys more openly and positively discussed in mainstream magazines like Teen Vogue and Marie Claire. Women were affirmed by the "Rabbit" episode in Sex and the City, while men who use sex toys have their entire identity questioned. But the stigma around sex toys for American men is even more intense. From there, it isn’t a far jump to treat them like “last resorts” for the sexually unsuccessful.Īs a woman, I've been made to feel lesser for using a big ol' Magic Wand instead of masturbating with my hands. “Pocket pussy” makes you automatically compare masturbation sleeves to human holes sans humans. Lewis's breakdown of the stigma around male sex toys makes perfect sense to me. He said that this has "led to the perception that if a man uses a sex toy, he must be a little perverted, desperate, or unable to find a partner.” “The majority of male toys have been designed… to replicate the action that a man would normally experience with a partner," Lewis told Thrillist in a 2016 interview. This says to me that while male sex toy manufactures like Fleshlight International SL may be reporting record-breaking growth, their prevalence doesn't seem to have reversed the stigma around men using sex toys.Īccording to male sex toy manufacturer Adam Lewis of Hot Octopuss, this negative view is partly due to the way male sex toys appear and function. When I put out a call asking men to share their experiences using sex toys on themselves, many of the more than 100 respondents were not willing let me use their real name.